The jump I just made was unexpected and intense as hell.
Without really a choice I found myself spiraled back into Toronto- a place I yammered on and on about forever while I lived in Vancouver. Wishing to come back, sure that my standstill was because of the city I was in. But then as it all happened by the force of a friend, who snapped me out of whatever trance I was in- I realized it has nothing to do with the town I live in. It has everything to do with making the decision to flourish in reality rather than drown in my imagination.
I am now back East, enjoying it, but my head is still spinning. It feels like I'm on a trip, and will be returning to VanCity soon; but then I remember that's what I've been used to for two years; and I am living here now- hence only allowed to trip out West for the next while.
I just spent a few minutes looking at photos from both places, googled Vancouver, and Gastown, and then Toronto. I got shivers when I looked at the pictures of Vancouver. Remembering the air is like gas, heavy and moist, revitalizing. I will forever remember a night in my first winter there when I was walking home super late, and Gastown was heavy with fog. Fog so thick you could barely see your hand in front of your face, and the streets were filled with crows. I felt like I was on a movie set; spellbound by the energy all around. The dark, mystery looming in each corner, the cobble under my feet, and the epic street lamps snuffed out by such thick blue-grey smoke.
I need to talk about both places- for I feel people in each hate on each-other. There's always this goddamn debate about which is better. But I can say that the answer is neither. How could you ever question which one is better when they stand entirely on their own? Each harboring such a unique essence and reason for existing. When I'm here; I want to be there. When I'm there; I want to be here. Forever torn between the tale of these two cities.
But I'd like to make art about it. Continue the conversation I find myself in day-in and day-out. This war we have against each-other. This prejudice which lies across the whole country. Canadians against Canadians. Each choosing where to be and sticking with it. Standing up for their "better" city. But what then when you find yourself a hybrid of the two? Yearning for both simultaneously. Like I walk a fine line between the way of life each place offers; so intrigued by their unique opportunities. I definitely aspire to spend my life in each. I think I've decided to stay in Canada, rep Canada with my art, and travel the country I am from, before I run off to a foreign land. I am interested in everything that is Canada; one of the grandest countries in the world. I would like to make my art about her for awhile; write about her too; try to understand where I'm from and why I'll never be content with one or the other; regarding Toronto and Vancouver. Ha, maybe I'll be able to do it, spend two years here, then another two years there. Cultivate a wold of my own by bridging the two.
